To You-Who-Cut-Me-Up-And-Threw-Me-Out,

I’m not sure but I think you may be expecting this entry. And of course, I would password it up so that you have no access to it.

Do you really want to know my thoughts? If you did, why did you just leave? I was explaining things halfway when you just decided not to listen and left so abruptly.

I am unable to express my emotions. Let alone put them in words. I was not that angry. In fact, I was plainly upset. Because I was looking like a stupid fool who believed every word you said. You could say I fell hook, line and sinker. I believed and trusted you. So I was foolish to have done that. And I’m not sure if I’m regretting it.

What happened you left was something I’m still trying hard to comprehend. I just sat there dumbly, reading our conversation and I felt the lump in my throat grow bigger as the tears formed and swimmed around my eyes, but failed to slip down to my cheeks.

It’s embarrassing, crying over such a matter. I’ve always hated being emotional. And here you are, making me feel the thing that I hate most—that is to cry.

I’m not sure if I should chase you. I’ll feel even more foolish than before. And then comes the heavy question: Are you worth it?

Here I am, in the school lab, without a night’s sleep and I’m pondering whether you are worth it.

And since neither of us have since spoken, I guess I wasn’t worth it either.

You let me go too easily. You say that you don’t give up that easily. I’m sorry to say that actually, you do.

Whenever we have a fall out, who is the one initiating the first text message? If I don’t do anything, you won’t either. And till this day, I still wonder why am I the first one to break down.

Everytime I do, I vow that the next time I wouldn’t. And yet the same thing happens again. This time, however, is going to be different.

I will not be weak.

If I’m left alone, so be it. You have already broken my heart too many times. It’s been scarred and I’m sure there’s no stitching those thousand pieces that are on the floor.

I really loved you. And I really see you as The One. But I guess we were never really meant to be right from the start. I was wrong to force you into this relationship. Don’t argue with me and insist that it’s your fault. It’s over now. So what’s there more to argue about?

I’m sorry you’re forced into this. I should have never let you into my life.

I loved you. And I still do.

Broken apart,
She-Who-Forced-You

This letter was featured in So.There on July 5, 2005 located here.